Too much good?

IMG_5944I have had a very difficult time writing since I returned. Emotions are running high and intent on testing my limits. I have too much time on my hands.  I am meeting people and making connections that actually leave my body humming and exhausted. After a very successful meeting and the possibilities of a promising date, I was concerned that my body could not take any more good…strange to feel, I know, but doors are opening and light is flooding in.  I have grown mistrustful of too much good. I know that with those highs come their yang…Is it possible to have only good things happen? There must be balance and with so much wonderful,  I have experienced such disappointment and spent innumerable wakeful nights restless with my own doubts.

I often laugh out loud. I argue with myself about the musings of my juxtaposed life. By day, I am moving forward like I’ve been shot from a canon. I am limitless. By night, I am alone with my thoughts and the ever-present danger of too much access.

So here I am, restless, confused but full of much gratitude and humility. I suppose this is life. This is being part of life and not just an observer of its goings-on. More than one friend recently told me that I am too open. I allow myself to be too vulnerable and available. I need to learn to be present yet less available emotionally. I struggle with this idea. Yet I doubt I can be anything less, or is it more? I am this self, aware of my faults and unaware of my limits. I have been back for a short time and have not stopped running. I can only hope that I am moving toward the good. I will remain vulnerable and open.

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3 thoughts on “Too much good?

  1. All I know is that you are Sarah. And you’re the only one who really knows how to be you. Thinking. Believing. Questioning. Doing. Living. Wondering. Repeat.

  2. You will indeed settle to your life level, you have experienced soooo much that is incredible and wonderful you are just catching up with yourself. Love Sam and Sally

  3. I just read your latest post. Then I ran to my bag to pull out the latest book I picked up at the library because the title was too long to remember. Daring Greatly; How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead by Brene Brown. I just got it and your post is inspring me to crack it open. Thanks, Denise

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